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Parents Zone

Positive Parenting Academy

Director Dad, Chen Min
“Can nurturing a child only be successful, not a failure?” It can, but at a cost. If I ask everyone to share your “childhood” memories, what would be the first thing that comes to your mind? During the counseling process, I always try to understand the recipient’s childhood memories because according to many psychological studies, a person’s experiences during childhood are enough to influence a person’s future values, mate selection, the quality of interpersonal relationships, and even their destiny.
As parents, we always hope that our children will surpass us, so we unconsciously have expectations for them. This is an inevitable occurrence, but whether parents have expectations that are too high or too low, what is considered “reasonable,” how we evaluate or set reasonable expectations can significantly affect how children build their self-confidence and self-efficacy.
I remember during a communication process with teenagers, I asked them a question, “Who can share 10 personal strengths in 1 minute?” One teenager responded, “He said it’s already good that we have no weaknesses, so why talk about so many strengths!” This statement deeply shocked me because these are what we call top students; they possess what others consider high academic achievements, yet they have no confidence in themselves. It made me realize that behind the pursuit of perfection lies the potential for a person’s self-worth to be completely defeated.
Between 1989 and 2016, psychologists Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill conducted comprehensive analyses and studies on perfectionism and found a significant increase in perfectionist tendencies. Surprisingly, in children and teenagers, 2 out of 5 individuals were found to be perfectionists. Contrary to popular belief, research shows that individuals with perfectionist tendencies do not necessarily become more successful; instead, they tend to become more fragile and anxious than the average person. This is because they cope with the world through the ultimate form of self-defeat. They often cannot accept making mistakes, yet making mistakes is a necessary stage in people’s lives, an essential part of our growth, learning, and indispensable for navigating social interactions.

 

According to research from Curtin University in Australia, perfectionism can lead to various mental disorders. The higher the degree of perfectionism, the greater the psychological obstacles one faces. Therefore, when parents do not understand the extent to which their children can endure and demand perfection and success in everything, the cost can be depression, anxiety disorders, self-harm, and more alarmingly, the increasing number of student suicides in recent years.
Of course, some scholars argue that perfectionism is healthy and desirable. For example, perfectionists are usually hardworking, loyal, diligent, and so on. However, in reality, perfectionism and high standards are not the same. Perfectionism is a way of thinking about oneself, not a behavior.

Here are some behavioral characteristics of perfectionism:
They experience intense emotional fluctuations and are highly sensitive to stress.
They cannot accept failure and are not easily open to suggestions.
They tend to turn opinions into shame and anger.
They choose to avoid or resist things that they are not sure of succeeding in.
They are good at self-criticism, which can lead to symptoms of depression.

Having read this far, I wonder what opinions the readers have about perfectionism. If you hope that our next generation will learn to appreciate themselves, face failures and successes willingly, and be willing to learn in the process, I encourage you to support their efforts more, to take pride in their efforts, rather than just focusing on the outcomes.

Categories
Parents Zone

Writing Skills Mini Training

Article by Mr. Cheng Wai-keung, Psychological Counselor at the Infant and Toddler Psychological Development Association.
During the writing training session, Mr. Cheng Wai-keung, a psychological counselor from the Infant and Toddler Psychological Development Association, mentioned the common struggles children face when learning to write in K2.
“He can never write within the lines, everything ends up ‘flying’!”
“His letters always go beyond the boxes; usually, one letter ‘bullies’ two boxes!”
“He often skips lines or boxes while writing.”
“It seems like he lacks strength when writing, the writing is so light that it’s almost invisible!”
These are typical scenarios many children encounter when learning to write in K2. Writing
requires a combination of various skills, with the most basic being the strength and flexibility
of the small finger muscles (fine motor skills). Insufficient training in fine motor skills can lead
to issues like weak or shaky handwriting. So, how can parents handle and train their children
in this aspect? It’s simple—start by letting them play with clay, playdough, flour, and other
similar materials from a young age.

 

Furthermore, visual spatial awareness and eye control are also crucial for handwriting.Engaging in general ball activities is excellent for training these skills. Tracking the ball visually and making contact (or kicking) the ball is a natural and fun way to practice.Additionally, activities like spot the difference games (finding variances in two pictures) and maze games (first visually finding the way out, then connecting the lines with a pen) can also enhance eye control abilities.

Hand-eye coordination is vital during handwriting practice and should not be overlooked!Activities like bean bag tossing, fishing games, pouring water exercises, and paper cutting can greatly improve hand-eye coordination.

When should these games be introduced, and how long should they be practiced daily?Ideally, parents can start playing these games with their children when they understand and are capable of playing. It’s crucial to base the duration of play on the child’s willingness. If a child loses interest, parents should switch activities rather than enforcing a specific time frame. The author believes that through daily play, children can naturally acquire skills, preventing issues from arising, rather than resorting to remedial exercises. Otherwise, even the most enjoyable games can become tedious and burdensome, leading to more suffering than enjoyment.