Category: Parents Zone

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Parents Zone

Does the child cry non-stop when they are a little dissatisfied?

Parent Tips

Does the child cry non-stop when they are a little dissatisfied?

Source：Family Dynamic, Psychotherapist, Lai Shun Mei 

 

Sometimes, children may cry when they are slightly dissatisfied, and parents may have tried different methods to comfort their children, but the children still cry from time to time. This may make parents feel tired, helpless, and even annoyed. In fact, children’s crying is usually a way of expressing their emotions. Because their language is not yet developed enough to convey a complete story, their own feelings, and some thoughts, they will use the most direct or fastest way to seek help when they are unhappy, which is to cry, just like when they were infants.

Let’s not assume that just because children can walk, talk, and go to school, we need to talk to them more about reasoning. In fact, in the preschool years, parents should provide more emotional support to their children. Maslow, a well-known psychologist, came up with the five-level theory of human needs. The levels are physiological, safety, social, esteem, and self-actualization. As children’s cognitive development matures, they have already reached the third level of social needs, which is love and a sense of belonging.

 

At this time, they need to feel the care and love from people around them, and they begin to recognize their own emotions. Therefore, if parents can help them express their emotions and thoughts, not only will their language skills improve, but their social needs will also be met.

When we see a child crying, we as parents can say something like this to them: “You seem very unhappy; maybe you don’t like it when mommy talks to you in a harsh tone.” “Your little brother took your toy without asking, which made you angry.” If you can speak accurately to the child’s feelings, they will quickly nod and stop crying. Over time, they will learn to use other means to express themselves instead of crying.

Some parents may wonder why their usually talkative kids can’t say what they’re feeling when they’re sad. This is because emotions can affect rational thinking. If I asked you to give a speech on stage right now, how would you feel? You may feel nervous or even a little scared, and if I don’t give you time to prepare, you may not be able to say a word. You can see that emotions can affect adults, let alone children.

So, as parents, we should first calm down and then carefully watch and try to figure out why our kids are crying. Then, put yourself in their shoes and express your thoughts and emotions. This way, the child will not cry anymore.

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Are you a “competent parent”?

Parent Tips

Are you a “competent parent”?

Source: Senior Parenting Expert, Bally 

How can we know if we are competent parents? We can find out how the children get along with their parents and how they behave by observing them, and here are five things we can observe.

First, trust the parents. If a child trusts their parents, we can see it in their eyes and in their responses when they communicate with their parent. When a parent talks to a child, the child looks intently at the parent, understands what the parent is saying, and responds clearly with “Yes! I understand,” and then follows instructions. This means that parents usually have good communication with their children.

Parents often tell their children why they should do something, whether it is a good thing to do, or what they think of it. For example, “I think you did a good job when a child fell down and you walked over to pick him up right away.” When parents tell their children how they feel and praise them for doing the right thing, they will be more willing to listen to their parents’ feelings and reactions, and they will gradually build trust.

Second, be brave enough to tell your parents. If children are willing to tell their parents when they encounter certain situations, it proves that their parents give them a lot of space. They are not afraid of being scolded by their parents, and they believe that their parents will give them the right direction, teach them what to do, and accept their wrongdoing. Therefore, children will slowly do what their parents think is right under the safety net. Communication between parents and children is very important, and we need to give them confidence in order to build a harmonious relationship. No matter what happens to them, it is very important that they are brave enough to share with their parents what has just happened or how they feel.

Third, have self-confidence. How can we tell that a child is confident? If a child looks at his or her parents before doing something and gets a positive look from them before doing it, in this case, the child is obviously not confident enough because he does not know what is right and what is wrong.

When a child can do something confidently in different situations, the parents can see that they can first give affirmation and then slowly tell him whether it is actually right or wrong to do what he just did, which over time will build the child’s confidence. They will know that they do not always have to do something right, as long as they have confidence, they can try to do it first. We will slowly build children’s self-confidence by reminding them of this process.

Fourth, have empathy. If children have empathy in many cases, for example, when they see a child fall, they will go to help the child; when they see an old woman crossing the street, they will want to help her. The fact that he is so empathic indicates that his parents, who are a competent pair of parents, have brought this message to him in their daily lives. 

Because our future education hopes that children will not only take care of themselves but also care for society and pay attention to everything in society, empathy is very important. If children are able to take care of themselves and other people around them in their daily lives, it is important to be empathetic. So parents better pay attention to their own way of dealing with children, because if we have empathy, children will naturally have empathy.

Fifth, the ability to take care of themselves children are capable of taking care of themselves, such as eating, dressing, putting on shoes, etc. This also means that their parents are really competent at their jobs because they have taught them “how to fish, not fish for them.” As parents, we should teach our children that they are capable of coping with their own daily lives. If a child does not learn to put on his or her own school uniform by the end of K2, he or she will lose self-confidence over time and have a tendency to become dependent, gradually losing the ability to take care of himself or herself. It is important to be a competent parent to teach children to take care of their own lives.

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Parents Zone

Children often shirk their responsibilities, and parents should be held accountable?

Parent Tips

Before becoming enraged at their children, parents should ask themselves these three questions

Source: Psychotherapist, Lee Wai Tong

Whenever something happens, children will use different excuses to shirk their responsibility toward others. Parents may then scold the child for this, but this may make the child avoid taking responsibility. Faced with this situation, what can parents do?

First of all, when parents ask children, “Why didn’t you finish the work?” or “Why don’t you understand?” Parents want their children to take responsibility. But at this time, the child will want to shirk the responsibility and give it to someone else, but at the end of the day, the parents actually want the child to take responsibility. You should know that responsibility starts with the child having the time to make decisions because having the time is called having a sense of autonomy. If children can have a sense of autonomy, they will be more likely to be responsible.

For example, if he does not know how to do his homework and is asked why he does not understand, he will say that the teacher did not teach him, the teacher did not teach him well, or that the other students were noisy. At that moment, if parents continue to say that he is not concentrating in class, they will only make the child throw the responsibility further away. So at this point, we need to know how to do better since we are facing difficulties and then work with the child to figure out how to do it.

 

The child will feel responsible for doing a good job, so naturally he will put the responsibility back on himself and let himself do it. And when children can do things on their own, they will be more willing to take responsibility. This is why I always say that the most important thing for parents is not to be accountable because accountability only teaches children to unload their responsibilities, while we can help our children take responsibility and accomplish things together. This is the most important lesson we often teach our children about responsibility.

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Parents Zone

Do children need to take nutritional supplements?

Parent Tips

Do children need to take nutritional supplements?

Source: Senior Dietitian, Ng Yiu Fun

Many parents ask me, “Does my child need to take supplements?” For example, would fish oil or DHA be better for him? I have children myself, and I don’t let them take any supplements. But some parents say, “Is it really smarter to take supplements?”

In fact, if you have a balanced diet, you don’t need any supplements. Why? For example, if you take too much fish oil, it will have an excessive blood-thinning effect, and you will easily bleed out. So we say that if you take too much fish oil, it may not be good for your child.

We may have to figure out how to add a little bit of fish to our food. For example, if he doesn’t like eating fish, we can dip the fish in batter and bake it to make it feel crispy and tasty. Or when cooking spaghetti, you can add some crustaceans, such as clams, which are easy for children to absorb. Also, simple foods such as seaweed have ingredients that make them smarter.

As for the parents, they may think that if they take more calcium supplements, their children will grow taller. This is also not necessary, because if you take too many calcium tablets, it will be very easy to give him kidney stones. We can let children drink milk, tofu, or soy milk to help them absorb calcium without the need for special supplements.

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Parents Zone

3 big tricks to let young children know the emotions & improve their social skills

Parent Tips

3 big tricks to let young children know the emotions & improve their social skills

Written by: Speech Therapist Mother, Miss Carley

Since children are only about two or three years old, their knowledge of the world will become deeper and deeper, teaching them to understand emotions can help them express their feelings and encourage them to put themselves in the position of understanding the feelings of others, thereby enhancing their social skills.

Tip 1: Parents and children watch cartoons together

Parents can watch more cartoons with their children. Often, the expressions of the characters in these cartoons are exaggerated so that children can identify the emotions and feelings of the characters and ask them about their reasons and solutions. Parents and children watching stories and the storytelling process, in fact, can also ask children to replace the characters in the story and think about what they feel.

For example, in the story of the three little pigs, parents can ask their children, “If you are a little pig and your house is blown down, how would you feel?” If you were the big pig and your house was not blown down, how would you feel? This allows them to put themselves in other people’s shoes more often.

Tip 2: Put yourself in their shoes

In daily life, parents can also try to grasp the opportunity to let their children know that their behavior will affect the feelings of others. For example, when a child does something bad or misbehaves, ask him, “What do you think about mommy’s emotions right now? It turns out that mommy is angry, so they know that their behaviors affect others.

Tip 3: Ask your child to keep a diary of daily events

Parents can also try to ask their children to draw or write down the events of each day in a diary, and how they feel about themselves or others, to deepen their emotional awareness.

Further, parents can teach their children that there are different levels of feelings and emotions. For example, happy can be a little happy, very happy, or super happy. Parents can also play simple games with their children, such as asking them at a theme park, “Are you a little happy, very happy, or super happy?” If you are a little happy, take one step; if you are very happy, take two steps; and if you are super happy, take three steps. Let the children know more about these emotions.

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Spinal problems should not be ignored. How to do the test at home?

Parent Tips

Spinal problems should not be ignored. How to do the test at home?

Children are prone to sitting problems, even scoliosis and kyphosis. Parents should find out their children’s problems early and make corrections. But how can parents tell when their children have scoliosis and kyphosis problems?

For scoliosis, parents can try the Adam Test, a common test used by chiropractors, by asking a child to bend forward with his hands on the ground and see if there is a problem  with the muscles on either side of the spine. If there is, it means that there is a high probability of scoliosis.

In terms of kyphosis, it means looking from the side, the head is in front of the body, as if  the neck is stretched out, or the head is bowed for a long time and the shoulders are bent forward. Most children in Hong Kong have a functional condition, and often, as long as they are reminded to sit up straight, they will be able to sit up straight and stop having a kyphosis.

To improve the kyphosis, the most important thing is to open both shoulders, use the ]strength of the waist to lift the chest, and bring the chin back near the head. This is the most correct sitting posture and will improve the kyphosis.

Some children have flat feet, resulting in a bit of in-toeing or out-toeing. The shape of the  foot will slowly affect the pelvis and create some highs and lows.

If a child often bumps his knees when learning to walk or even trips over himself after a few steps, this may be a case of in-toeing or even an imbalance of the feet.

If your child has any of these problems, you should take him or her to a professional, such as a chiropractor, physiotherapist, or even a podiatrist, to get checked out. 

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Before becoming enraged at their children, parents should ask themselves these three questions

Parent Tips

Before becoming enraged at their children, parents should ask themselves these three questions

Written by: Caritas Rehabilitation Services,Clinical Psychologist, Yu Kwok Ting

Some parents may be more impulsive and even have a habit of blaming their children for  problems such as disobedience, deliberate anger, or naughtiness. When children fail to do  what they want, they become angry with their parents, but this will gradually alienate them from their parents, which will damage the parent-child relationship in the long run.

Parents’ personalities, families of origin, and parenting methods learned in different ways  will affect parent-child relationships. And the adults’ thoughts will influence their mood. If adults find themselves in frequent conflicts with children, which affect the parent-child relationship, we can ask ourselves three questions.

Whether there are other possibilities

If a child is not able to do all the homework required by his or her parents, the first thing the parents think is that the child is just having fun and not doing homework, but the real    reason may be that they do not know how to do it and need parental guidance. If parents take preconceived notions as facts, they may ignore the needs and difficulties of their children and damage the parent-child relationship

Whether one’s own thoughts have been confirmed

Some parents often say that their child is “deliberately annoyed” and then see their child’s  behavior as disobedience, but perhaps the reason for the child’s behavior is carelessness, but the parents are influenced by their subjective feelings and misunderstand their child.

 

Are your thoughts helpful to the goal?

If a parent’s goal is to mend the parent-child relationship, but he or she often holds the idea that the child is “deliberately working against him or her,” is this thinking really helpful to his or her goal? Parents can try to find more realistic and justifiable ideas to help them achieve their goals.

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Parents Zone

Letting go and letting your child become an independent person

Parent Tips

Letting go and letting your child become an independent person

Written by: Founder & Volunteer Director of Good Love Passion　

　　　       Lam Ho Pui Yee

 

From childhood to adulthood, independence does not happen overnight. From the cradle to society, this journey is made up of countless small steps, and every small step in a child’s development is an opportunity for parents to learn to let go. 

 

Because we can’t be with our children all our lives and take care of them until they grow old, we as parents should know how to let go in a timely manner. The purpose of letting go is to help your child grow and become an independent person who can take responsibility for himself. This kind of love has deep meaning.

 

How to let go


love and discipline go hand in hand


Many parents want to be friends with their children, but respect is not an indulgence. In my opinion, being a friend to your child means that you want to share and communicate more about each other’s inner worlds, but not in respectful way, children still need the guidance of their parents. Instead of worrying about how to be your child’s friend, you should think and learn how to be your child’s coach and spiritual support. Therefore, listening to children and observing their behavior is the first step in teaching children self-regulation. By learning to listen to their children, parents will be able to understand their children’s potential, interests and passions, and give them the help and support they need to let go.

Give children the opportunity to deal with things and learn from their mistakes


Many parents seem to forget that a crying baby eventually learns to sleep without being held, or the joy and emotion of seeing a The ecstasy and emotion of seeing a baby take its first steps without the support of someone. When a child faces conflict, problems or mistakes, parents should not rush to advocate, step in or make amends. Never deprive your child of the opportunity to learn from mistakes and failures, because children learn the ability to advocate for themselves and solve problems, and to take responsibility for the consequences of their choices or actions. In the process of letting go, you allow your child to try mistakes and accept failure.

Delay in meeting the needs of the child

 

We need to let go of the myth that parents don’t have to meet what their children want. In setting boundaries, it is important to delay gratification. We need to distinguish between our child’s “wants” and “needs. When a child asks for something, don’t just give him what he wants. You can wait until his birthday to give him a gift or encourage him to save up to buy it. Many parents in the West encourage their children to help their neighbors hoe their lawns to earn pocket money to buy things they want, because they will appreciate the things they have worked hard for through their own efforts.

 

In addition to helping children grow and feel responsible for their own lives, there is a higher value in letting go, which is to turn small love into big love. Parents need to learn to let go and bless their children to pursue their lives. When you start to let go, you will find that there is infinite space in life.

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“Will my son be too thin if he doesn’t eat much?”

Parent Tips

“Will my son be too thin if he doesn’t eat much?”

Written By: Founder of Kat-Spirit Nutrition Centre 

　　　          Senior Dietitian Ng Yiu Fun

 

Many parents will bring their children to see me and say, “Is my son too thin? or “His bones are very obvious” or “Look, his ribs are visible, and his arms are still very small! In fact, many parents feel that their children are thin, but in fact, are these cases really thin?

 

In fact, whether it is thin or not, we have to look at the growth chart. If the child is below the growth line, he or she is considered thin. If the child is thin, there is no need to worry too much about health problems. Some parents may say, “No! His classmate next door eats a whole bowl of rice at every meal and eats a lot of meat, but compared to my son, who only eats a few bites of rice at every meal, he really eats too little! I have to find a way to catch up with the next classmate’s meal, so that he can have enough nutrition!

Many parents have a comparative mentality, and I believe that everyone’s needs are actually different. Some children may be really taller, but some children may be genetically influenced, relatively shorter and smaller-boned, so their needs are certainly not the same and their parents don’t need to worry too much.

 

I believe one thing we can do is to keep a happy mood when we eat at home, not to see if he eats every bite of rice, whether he “contains rice” or eats the whole bowl of rice, because constantly forcing him will only add pressure to the child when he eats. If we want him to eat a little more when he eats, it is actually very simple, just prepare a smaller portion of rice in the bowl, let him finish it, and then let him add more rice, so that he has a sense of success, but also help him increase his appetite.

In addition, the meal should not be too monotonous. Some parents say they have cooked their children’s favorite foods to suit their tastes in the hope that they will eat more, but unfortunately the results are not very good. Even if it’s a favorite food, it’s boring and tiresome, so they don’t eat it, which has the opposite effect. Therefore, parents should think of more colorful or different tasting dishes to make their children feel new and interesting, so that they will not feel bored and eat less.

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Siblings often quarrel with each other and the role of parents is especially important.

Parent Tips

Siblings often quarrel with each other and the role of parents is especially important.

Written by : Founder of Family Dynamics

        Marriage and Family Therapist 

        Children Play Therapist           

Ng Yee Kam


In recent play therapy cases, several of the children’s emotional problems were related to their young siblings’ relationship. Most of these problems were not caused by major arguments, but rather by subtle interactions in which each child was seeking the mother’s attention, comparing how much positive feedback they received from each other, and comparing who the mother “loved” more! Children often fight with each other because they are jealous of their siblings and take the opportunity to vent their frustrations.

 

It is true that everyone is “biased” and so are parents. Both inborn and nurtured personalities can lead to a preference for certain behaviors and behavioral patterns. If parents do not think about this, they will not suddenly become more open-minded because their children are their own.

 

Parents may be more appreciative of certain traits and more resistant to certain traits in their children’s different personalities. This is understandable. The problem is that parents must be aware of this situation and be aware of it and allow themselves to grow beyond the narrow framework of their parental role, increase the breadth and width of their own vision, learn to appreciate the differences in their children’s personalities, and appreciate their children’s unique strengths from the bottom of their hearts, and pass them on in their daily lives so that their children can receive them and affirm themselves. This will prevent the problem of sibling rivalry from worsening and causing unnecessary jealousy and suspicion in children.

 

The mother’s role is especially important during the early years of a child’s life because the quality of the mother’s interaction with the child has a critical impact on the child’s self-worth and sense of security. In these recent cases, it was not uncommon to find that the children had a sibling in the family who was cheerful, understanding, and liked to express herself, and was well liked by adults and teachers. I could see the mother’s joy and pride when describing her child. No wonder the children in these cases often felt compared to the others because they were more introverted, reticent, shy and cautious.

One mother was aware of the need to appreciate her son’s abilities, so she kept praising him, but in terms of character, she inadvertently encouraged her son to follow her sister’s example by expressing himself more and integrating into the group. However, this is not the nature of the child’s character and makes the child suspect that there must be something wrong with his or her character that cannot be accepted by the mother. This internal pain can easily turn into jealous emotions towards the elder sister, making the parents feel that the child’s attitude towards his/her sister is unreasonable, and further preventing the child from breaking out of this negative cycle.


I suggest that parents should not compare their children. For children who are more introverted, shy, reticent and cautious, they should be more reassuring: “ You do not need to force yourself to play with children like your brother, you quietly observe is already a kind of participation, when you feel at ease then go out to play is not too late. Or, “Not every child needs to be as talkative as their elder sister or like to perform in front of people; Mom likes it when you can express yourself as you see fit. “

For children who are more reactive and impulsive, listen to them first and then help them correct their behavior if it is safe to do so: “You are reacting so strongly to hit your brother, you must feel very angry inside, let me hear how you feel, okay? Sometimes parents do have to deal with their children “fighting for something,” but more often than not, what parents need to do is to meet their children’s psychological and emotional needs and affirm their true nature, so that their children can naturally get along well.